Lately, it feels like excuses have become their own form of modern art. People aren’t just saying “I overslept” anymore—they’re crafting entire storylines worthy of a Netflix series. One of the best excuses I’ve heard recently came from someone who claimed they couldn’t make it to work because their cat was “emotionally unstable” and needed support. Not sick, not injured—emotionally unstable. Honestly, the confidence it takes to say that with a straight face is impressive.
Another excuse that deserves an award came from a friend who missed a meeting because, in her words, “My phone slid between the couch cushions and entered another dimension.” She insisted she could hear it vibrating but couldn’t physically reach it. She spent thirty minutes fighting the couch like it was a boss battle. And honestly, if you’ve ever lost something in the couch, you know she wasn’t lying about the struggle.
One of the funniest excuses I’ve heard recently came from a student who said they couldn’t turn in their assignment because their little brother “borrowed the laptop to become a YouTuber.” Apparently, he filmed three chaotic videos, deleted half the desktop icons, and somehow changed the language settings to Korean. The assignment didn’t survive the adventure.
Then there was the classic—but upgraded—version of “I got stuck in traffic.” This person claimed they were delayed because a family of ducks refused to cross the road unless someone escorted them. They said they spent ten minutes acting as a duck crossing guard. Whether it’s true or not, it’s wholesome enough to forgive instantly.
A coworker once told me they couldn’t join a Zoom call because their neighbor’s Wi-Fi password changed and they “didn’t want to start a conversation about boundaries.” They had been secretly using the neighbor’s Wi-Fi for months, and the sudden password change felt like a breakup. They needed time to “process the loss.”
One excuse that still makes me laugh came from someone who said they were late because they accidentally locked themselves inside their own bathroom. Not the house—just the bathroom. They claimed the doorknob “betrayed them,” and they had to wait for someone to come home and rescue them. The dramatic retelling made it even better.
A surprisingly creative excuse came from a teen who said they couldn’t finish chores because the vacuum cleaner “wasn’t in the mood.” According to them, the vacuum made a weird noise, smelled funny, and then “gave up on life.” They said they didn’t want to push it too hard because “everyone deserves a break.” Even appliances, apparently.
And finally, one of my favorites: someone said they missed an appointment because they were “manifesting productivity and lost track of time.” They sat down to visualize their goals, lit a candle, played calming music—and accidentally fell asleep for two hours. Honestly, that’s the most relatable excuse of all. Sometimes the intention is there, but the nap wins.
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